Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The War Against Iran Finally Begins

While the media focuses on the Surge battle plan in Baghdad, another major operation has begun against Iran. It is a two pronged offensive with one pincer rooting out Iranian backed militias in the Shia south and the other decimating the Revolutionary Guard in Iran.

Some liken the operation to a game of whack a mole, but in reality it is more like a squirrel or a badger. Animal rights activists have called it a humanitarian nightmare because of the unconventional tactics utilized by Coalition Forces.

In southern Iraq British troops have unleashed an onslaught of Ferocious Honey Badgers that have terrorized Shia militants and emotionally scarred their children. Human rights leaders have condemned the attacks as indiscriminate against civilians and demand that the exploitation of these animals must cease immediately.

In the meantime these Vicious Badgers have taken their toll on the unsuspecting population. A Basra housewife, Suad Hassan, claimed to have been attacked by a British Badger as she slept. She reported;

“My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer. It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey.”

Facing mounting pressure from criticism by anonymous government sources a UK military spokesman, Major Mike Shearer, denied responsibility.

“We can categorically state that we have not released Man-Eating Badgers into the area.”

However, members of Parliament have announced an official inquiry. In order to deflect attention from his upcoming suspension from Parliament, disgraced MP George Galloway declared that he will intervene on the badgers’ behalf.

“I pledge by the blood of the resistance that I will use the money that I received from Saddam’s oil-for-food program to build a rest home and amusement park for the badgers after they convert to Islam.”

The other prong of the operation entails a much riskier tactic that requires deep penetration into Iranian territory. In order to move much quicker, in lightening thrusts, the Coalition has opted for Attack Squirrels that move over vast amounts of land at a greater speed than Badgers.

Initial raids by Squirrel Scouts resulted in their capture by sharp-eyed border guards, but Iran is concerned that they have lost track of the main body of elusive rodents and expect attacks in their rear lines. To defend against such circumstances they have fortified their positions bringing up tanks and artillery.

The Iranian state-sponsored news agency IRNA reported:

“In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran’s borders. The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services.”

Experts agree that this military operation has unnecessarily raised tensions in the Persian Gulf. President Ahmadinejad made a historic speech to the Iranian people stating that all squirrels and badgers “will be wiped off the map”.

While this post is a bit outlandish it is still based on real news stories. If you don’t believe me then check the links for yourself. Even though the game is deadly serious you just have to laugh at the absolute wackiness of these accusations. Other insane conspiracy theories are not quite as funny, but just as crazy…

  • Iran’s Sahar 1 TV aired a hateful weekly series called “Zahra’s Blue Eyes”. The show accused Israel of stealing body parts of Palestinian children. It featured graphic scenes of Palestinian children whose eyes have been surgically removed and stolen by Israel.

  • Iran’s daily newspaper Jomhour-ye Islami blamed U.S. soldiers for stealing organs from Iraqis. It based its accusations on European ‘secret’ military reports. “The reports confirm the finding of tens of thousands of mutilated cadavers missing parts… These teams offer $40 for every usable kidney and $25 for an eye…”

  • Iran’s Mehr News Agency ran a story accusing Israel of inflicting cancer on the Arab world. It was titled, “Israel Exporting Carcinogenic Foodstuff to Arab States”. They stated, “The trend has led to an increase in leukemia and liver and stomach cancer in the Arab countries which have imported Israeli foodstuff”.

  • Hizbullah’s Al-Manar TV broadcast a program claiming that Zionists were spreading diseases amongst Arabs. It stated that there were, “Zionist attempts to transmit dangerous diseases like AIDS through exports to Arab countries”.

Hat tips to Right Truth via Atlas Shrugs & Steven Stalinsky at JWR

A Squirrel Commando attacks an Iranian offshore oil facility on behalf of his Zionist masters (Photo by AP).


Brad Marston said...

just wanted to let you know that I added Freedom Now to my "Essential Links/Blogs" list. See you again soon.

kevin said...

Great post, Iran is match for squirrels.

Freedomnow said...

Indeed!!! You will note that July has been the deadliest month for Squirrels since the invasion of Iran on 7/4/07.

With possibly dozens killed and 14 captured the Pentagon is rethinking its strategy.

However, military experts are optimistic since the main force has by-passed Iranian strong points in classic blitzkreig tactics.

As I write many are climbing trees and spying on the Mullahs' bedroom windows.

Freedomnow said...

Brad I have returned the compliment...


Lowry Vista said...

It's true!


WomanHonorThyself said...

The show accused Israel of stealing body parts of Palestinian children. ...of course...its the Joooooooooooos the Joooooooooooooos the Joooooooooooos..dontcha know!
I'm at a loss for words Freedom...is that possible? LOL

Freedomnow said...

Ahhh... Badgers In Basra looks like the same folks that did the excellent "We Love the Iraqi Information Minister" website from way back when. The old url redirects to Badges in Basra. There still is an archive site...


I assure you that there are no infidel squirrels in Tehran!!!!

beakerkin said...

I hear that Iran has enlisted the Progressive Duck who was fired from his job as pitchman.

I think the question about the badgers is what were you smoking before you saw the badgers.


Do not ask me why. However genuine anti-semites get upset when you spell Jew as Joooooooo. Ask Warren

Anonymous said...

Hugo Chavez is loved in Iran I bet most of Iranians do not even know where Venezuela is or who he is.

Freedomnow said...


It strange that you mention Venezuela because news reports coming out of Iran are claiming that they are developing a new secret weapon with Hugo's help.

Venezuelan scientists have discovered the remains of giant rodents that were bigger than grizzly bears. Using technology stolen from the Jurassic Park Franchise they are working to reanimate these creatures in order to defeat the Capitalist Squirrels fielded by the U.S. military.


This is another serious escalation of this crisis. Ever since the murder of Farfour Mouse, a Hamas ally, the battle for the hearts and minds of the animal kingdom has become heated.

Freedomnow said...


Ducks can swim without the aid of customized jet skis like our Squirrel Commandos use and most importantly they can fly.

That is more bad news. I suggest that Congress retreat to Guam. They will be much safer there and will be able to launch strategic strikes against migrating ducks.

Anonymous said...

MI-6 cooperating w/ CIA biologists and Navy dolphin trainers strike again!

Donald Douglas said...

Great humor, man! You are the best! I checked the links too! This stuff is serious.

Freedomnow said...

Hey, I'm dead serious here. Just printing the facts, thats all.

Farmer John has all the details on how this hideous plot was carried out.

As a part of this secret project they performed some experiments on him in the Area 51 laboratory. Now he has a bushy tail and whiskers on his face. So if you were wondering thats how he got 'em.


WomanHonorThyself said...

hiya Freedom..how the heck do ya stay so dang informed on all the issues..this NY chicka is turnin a shade of green~! heh :)

Freedomnow said...

That’s simple, I just set up an RSS news feed for “Crack smoking Iranian mullahs”.

Bam! Now I have all the access I need to hard news stories illuminating the espionage activities of the wild kingdom.

Incognito said...

What lunacy!! You can't help but laugh.

Then again, Housewife4Palestine wrote a post (that I blogged about) claiming she was very sick and the Israelis were poisoning the Palestinians with chemical and biological warfare. She sounded as if she was about to die. This was months ago, and she is absolutely fine. Overactive, paranoid imaginations, methinks.
Sorry I haven't added you yet to my blogroll.. but will tomorrow.

beakerkin said...

Incognito hits upon a serious but unspoken truth. Many on the far left are seriously mentally ill. In Union Square commies would talk of the Mossad bugging their small apliances and these people were not joking.

Elmers Brother said...

I trained with those squirrels just prior to my trip to Iraq. They're hard, real hard. Nothing bothers them.

Freedomnow said...

Its good to get further confirmation of this important news story from multiple sources.

The Masonic/Zionist/NeoCon conspiracy has ensnared the world and holds our small appliances hostage.

nanc said...

those dayamed english squirrels!

they want a cigar with their acorns - can you believe it?!?

we had a hard freeze around easter - guess what?

no acorns! plenty of cigars!


nanc said...

beak - i think woman is a jooooooo...if she want's to spell it that way, why not? it's more or less a poke in the eye to even people who are offended by the "n" and other words - like "squaw" is supposed to be an insult to me, but it's not.

Freedomnow said...

I was wondering when you would show up Nanc.

You learn something every day. Thanks for the info, I didnt know that trees in Arkansas grow cigars!

Anyways, I suppose that you are not offended by the Atlanta Braves logo.

In Russet Shadows said...

Don't forget the giant spiders the Islamic wackjobs were complaining about some while back and the Jews who could shrink a man's pee-pee stick with just a handshake.

Aakash said...

I think that a U.S. war against Iran would be a horrible move - especially during a time like this.

"Freedom" - Are you a U.S. blogger, or from Europe?

Also, what is your political persuasion? As I've noted before, many of the bloggers who supported the Iraq war are actually left-of-center... and just recently, the Blogosphere seems to be abuzz about the liberal hawks.

Are you right-of-center, a liberal internationalist, or somewhere in between?

Freedomnow said...

Hi Aakash,

I am definitely a liberal internationalist. However, I dont advocate any military intervention against Iran at this time.

What bothers me is that the "antiwar" crowd keeps crowing about possible U.S. aggression against Iran when every day Iran is fighting a proxy war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

This is real aggression, not the fantasies of the fevered conspiracy crowd.