Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Bush Defends Tenth Planet Claims





Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Associated DePressed

WASHINGTON - Presidential spokesman Scott McClellan vigorously denied suggestions that the Administration intentionally misled the country with claims that a newly discovered object at the edge of the solar system was significantly larger than Pluto and therefore qualifies to be designated as a planet. The object, classified as “2003 UB313”, was discovered on January 8th, 2005 from images taken by the 48-inch Samuel Oschin Telescope at the Palomar Observatory.

Critics have accused the Administration of exaggerating or manipulating scientific data to claim that UB313 was about 2,175 miles in diameter based on its brightness. Yesterday Bush admitted that the Hubble Space Telescope has determined that the object only measures about 1,490 miles in diameter, while Pluto is about 1,422 miles across. Members of the Bush Administration are especially embarrassed to have gone on record to estimate UB313 at up to 3,107 miles wide.

According to a report released by the Washington Post, the Administration continued to make claims exaggerating the size of UB313 and asserting that it should be classified as a planet, despite warnings that the body lies in the Kuiper belt and should be classified as a Kuiper resident. The Kuiper belt is thickly populated with asteroids, comets, and icy bodies; many of whom are quite large. This information was made available to the Administration in August 2005 by noted British astronomer Brian Marsden, but they are accused of ignoring this important evidence and recklessly continuing its false claims. Marsden also drew parallels to the large asteroid Ceres, which was discovered in 1801. He stated that it was initially designated a planet, until a large number of rocky, asteroid belt objects were found in the same region (much like UB313).

The report makes a particularly disturbing claim that the Administration is misusing scientific data for political purposes. An image of UB313 was first captured in October 2003 during a search for distant bodies in the solar system. For more than a year, the object remained just another data point, but in January of 2005 (as Bush’s popularity began to sag) it was curiously “discovered”. Bush has downplayed accusations that this information was suppressed until he needed a distraction from his low popularity numbers.

These findings have triggered mass demonstrations across the country condemning the Administration.


21 comments:

nanc said...

it's probably where he's been keeping osama...

Freedomnow said...

Oh Nanc dont say such things. The government can trace your IP address and send down a hit squad.

These guys even killed the Sopranos! They terminated the show because they dont want any competition. Only George Bush can be the biggest gangsta.

nanc said...

well, he's there or he's at that mythical melchizedek aow posted about - there's no other option. fight me all you want on this, fern, but you know i could be right.

nanc said...

p.s. - if the government cares about what i'm up to - they have toooooooo much time on their collective hands! the only thing i've been hiding from them is the secret to the universe and i don't keep it at my location.

Don Miguel said...

I heard that the "Progressive Democrats" were sending an exploratory team to UB313 in search of potential voters to register as Democrats.

BTW, thanks for stopping by. You certainly opened my eyes as to why Richard Belzer owns so many sunglasses ("he can't look any sane person in the eyes without them").

Freedomnow said...

You've hit the nail right on the head Nanc. The government has way too much time on its hands since Bush authorized spying on American citizens who have connections to Al Qaeda.

Did you know that there are whole departments dedicated to researching what you eat for dinner? They go through your trash and plant cameras in your broccoli and carrots. The cameras are completely edible and are radioactive so you can be followed with a geiger counter.

They are watching you Nanc, be careful.

Freedomnow said...

Oh but Don Miguel I didnt even give you the dirt. You see the government assasinated Belzer a long time ago, but when Bush found out he panicked. He realized that Belzer is the most important actor in the world and if word got out that the CIA assasinated him then there would be a people's revolution (praise Che!).

So they cloned him to cover their tracks. Unfortunately, you know that the CIA is completely incompetent and they left a hammer and a wrench in the clone's skull (they arent allowed to use sickels). Now the Belzer clone has gone completely wacky. It explains alot doesnt it?

ohhh...wheres my meds?...my preeeecious...

nanc said...

belzer reminds me of the guy in "weekend at bernie's" - hey, you don't think....

well, as long as i know they're watching me, i'll try to stay in shape - what shape i take may change from one moment to zee next.

Freedomnow said...

I prefer to think of you as shapely...

nanc said...

fern, what would you do:

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/world/iran

and, i have it on good authority my new avatar doesn't make my butt look big, but i think yours did. and i'm as shapely as a stick person!

Freedomnow said...

From the link you gave me, I would say that Iran is trying to stoke Anti-Americanism. Basically, they are trying to keep the issue from being:

"Iran shouldnt have nuclear weapons"

to

"the US shouldnt invade Iran"

Of course the US is talking about sanctions and our troops are not massed on their border, so they are just laying down a smoke screen and Liberals love bong hits.

I have to change my favorite saying from "Liberals cause terrorism" to "Liberals cause terrorism and nuclear proliferation"...

Freedomnow said...

Your avatar shows your artistic side. Sweet...

nanc said...

warren made my avatar. he says i'm contrary - can you believe that? ;]

nanc said...

fern? you got comment of the week at a.c.!

Always On Watch said...

Congrats on making comment of the week at A.C.'s.

Freedomnow said...

I cant imagine why Warren says you are contrary Nanc.

You never know with them artist types, they be smarter than us common folk.

American Crusader said...

"it's probably where he's been keeping osama..."

Haha..pretty funny nanc.
I thought that science had suggested the possibility of a 10th planet a long time ago due to gravitational effects on Pluto.

Jeff Bargholz said...

Bush lied about the tenth planet's size because he plans to start an interplanetary war for Zeta Rays to power his Haliburton hurricane machine. There are still some poor black people left in New Orleans, so he wants to take a second shot. His business cronies will all grow fat and wealthy on the re-reconstruction contracts and America will extend its racist, sexist Empire throughout the solar system.

BusHitler doesn't care about innocent Titanian slime worm lives. He has no respect for the religion of Martian slug-uglies or their rich cultural heritage of destroying our cities with giant tripods and devouring our children. He wants to use the Slime Worms to fish for Texas Trout. He's going to force the Martians to eat Tex-Mex food and become Born Again Christians.

BusHitler is a war criminal and must be tried in the InterWorld Court. No blood for Zeta Rays! Bring our astronauts home now! St. Cindy, rise from your Crawford ditch and save us from this madman!

Freedomnow said...

The Bitch Belongs in a Ditch.

No disrespect intended, just good clean fun!

Cheers

Jeff Bargholz said...

If anybody belongs there, it's that ghoulish harridan. The minute she waddled in there it became a sty. Someone should exile her to the tenth planet so she can protect it from the depredations of the evil-doer Bush. If I see he butt-ugly face and phony, sanctimonious smirk one more time, I'm going to vomit uncontrollably.

Mike's America said...

It's not Osama hiding up there... but it could very well be where Saddam hid the WMD... either that or S Y R I A!

Good idea about sending the progressives up there to register new illegals. But someone should make sure there's only enough rocket fuel for a one way trip.